KotW: Collars

The Kink of the Week is Collars – a simple accessory with so so much to say.

My First Collar
Created from a thrifted vintage choker

Have you ever seen a woman or a man in the grocery store with a beautiful, choker-style necklace, and wondered, “Is he/she kinky?” I know I have. What is it that makes this such a recognizable and enduring symbol of the BDSM lifestyle?

Collars hold a very romantic place in my heart, ironically. For me, a collar is a symbol of so many things
It symbolizes the BDSM lifestyle as fetish wear; ownership; the love of a Dom or Master; the submission and devotion of a sub or slave.
It is a badge of honor, of being proven worthy of ownership for many.
It is a form of commitment between a Master and slave as much as a wedding band.

Do you have or have you ever worn a collar as a symbol, or had a partner you had “collared” or to whom you were “collared”?

I have never been formally collared as a slave but I wear a collar periodically for my Dom as part of my submission. I do not have a permanent or locked collar.

What about different “levels” of collars (training, play, consideration, ownership, etc.)?

I certainly believe there are different levels of collars.
Many submissives I know, even ones not owned or do not have a Top, wear a collar for fashion or play or just as a badge of being part of the BDSM community. I have recommended to a few un-owned subs, however, not to do this so much if they are looking for a Dom because it tends to make them look unavailable.

There are also training or Under Consideration collars. These collars tend to be less formal and usually of the traditional leather with ring look (like the one above). They are usually worn in preparation for a formal collaring much like an engagement ring is worn before a wedding band.

Of course, there’s the formal collar. This, to me, is a locked or permanent collar given to a slave as a sign of ownership by a Master or Mistress that is as permanent and lasting as a wedding band. They are usually more formal looking as well – metal, chainmail, and even embroidered cloth are common materials. Many even come with beautiful matching locks. These sorts of collars are usually given in a ceremony that can be as elegant and large or private and intimate as the couple desires…also much like a wedding as well.

Or maybe you or your partner(s) only use them as part of a scene, as another toy in your kinky toybox?
Perhaps it isn’t about symbolism, but the feel of leather or steel under your hand or around your throat that excites you and sets a scene.

Wearing a collar to play parties, scenes, in the bedroom or even just around the house certainly sets the tone and mood. I relate it to using magical tools on a pagan altar. They aid in a shift in consciousness and make me feel the hand of my owner even if he is not physically near. When he is near, the collar is something he can see around my next and feel his Domination of me even more.

What about collars in public?

Wearing a collar, or any other fetish wear, in public is up to the person wearing it and where they are going to be, in my opinion. I say that if you’re not dragging another person non-consensually into your scene or lifestyle AND it is appropriate for the location (i.e. not wearing a neon-green dog collar to granny’s funeral or a rubber collar that says BITCH on it to pick up your niece from daycare) then go for it.

Also, not all collars are obvious. Some look like jewelry (like the one at the top of the page).
The collar I wear in the goofy picture here is a rather blatant piece of chainmail jewelry. However, despite it being a lot of “bling” it does not have the stigma of a leather, ringed collar or a dog-collar. I could wear this with ease to a club or concert or even into town and the only looks of disapproval I would get would be the same as if I was wearing a Slayer t-shirt or because of my somewhat wild haircut.

Have you or do you wear a collar in public, or have a partner that does, as a symbol or as part of a scene?

I have, yes. I’ve worn them walking around in public among the ‘muggles’ and at play parties when I’ve been going as a submissive and, usually, when I have no intentions of Dominating anyone.

What do you think of those who do wear collars in public?

If you can get by with it and are not bringing someone non-consensually into your scene, go for it!