#FatSmutFriday Fat Vampires

Happy #FatSmutFriday! Today we’re talking vampires. These immortal/undead creatures have been villains and sex symbols for years and yet we see so few fat ones. So I’m dedicating this Halloween-season’s Fat Smut Friday to Fat Vampires.

I admit now that I did not come up with this idea on my own. I was perusing Twitter and saw someone ask where all the fat vamps are (see my quote response here).
This opened a can of worms, of course. We can’t possibly portray more fat people in media for REASONS says the comments section. The reasons for skinny vampires were laughable. Included in the excuses were biology, the low calorie content of blood, and historical wasting sickness as well as the general fat hate.
The OP pointed out several times – even if biology and fat-free blood were a factor, what about fat people that were turned into vampires. Surely it would take time for them to lose weight due to the change in their diet unless we’re talking sparkling, magical vampires whose bites make you immediately the public’s view of pretty. This never really got answered.

Fact is, vampires are fictional unless we’re talking about the vampyre subculture in which case – there are plenty of fat vampyres in the world (I’ve met a few myself – wanna learn more, check out this book and this book).
Being fictional, creators can make vampires look however the fuck they want – including fat.

I did some searching – came across quite a bit of fat hate so be careful – and found this was not an uncommon question. Fat vampires turns out to be a niche that isn’t being met in movies, books, or other media.
While there are stories that meet the criteria out there, they haven’t reached the popularity their counterparts with skinny vamps are. The best way to help with that is to read/watch/buy what is out there AND create more.

I am grateful that there are creators out there writing, filming, and drawing fat vampires. For that reason, I did a shout out and compiled a list. Granted not all of the vampires listed are particularly sexy or nice but they are fat and immortal/undead, which was the only two criteria.

Fat Vampires

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Pearl – Blade 1998
By far the most popular fat vampire out there is Pearl. This character is problematic but I wanted to get him out of the way. This supporting antagonist is a vampire archivist and it is never clarified if he is a pure blood or human that was turned into a vampire. Fans speculate he not only is a pure blood but is an ancient – explaining his knowledge of the language used in the film. If this is the case, it certainly knocks out the theory that vampires can’t get fat on blood.
The director of the film was apparently questioned about Pearl’s size and explained “the cause of Pearl’s obese size was the creature gaining a cannibalistic lust for infants and children as he loves to eat their hearts.” I’d like to add here that heart is a lean meat, just for context.
NOTE: Pearl is a classic case of a villain’s weight being part of their outward example of villainy and cowardice – not a cliche I’d like to see in future vampire stories with fat characters.

Morgan Kendrick by Jess
Jess’ whole brand is sexy fat vampire and I ADORE her for it! Seriously…dayum.
Her character Morgan is no different. Such yummy artwork and I can’t wait to see more of her!
Check out her art twitter for more! @JKCanaan

Josephine Berendt of Black, Red, and Gold by Catherine Winters
When I did my Fat Vamps shoutout on twitther, Catherine was more than happy to lend a hand –
“I have a vampire trilogy featuring a fat main character who becomes a vampire. http://writingwinters.com/books will get you all the volumes, plus a prequel!”
Black, Red, and Gold promise to be bloody sexy page turners!
Amid worry for Max Spencer, fighting her love for Grant Black, and the pomp and circumstance of an Imperial covenmistress ceremony, Josephine has to unravel the opposition’s plans and keep her coven safe — all while watching her own back and working to discover the limits of her power.

Reginald Baskin – Fat Vampire series by Johnny B. Truant
I haven’t read it so I can’t give an opinion. Does not contain any content warnings that I’ve found but the blurb says that Reginald is often mocked. It does not seem to be “own voices.” I recommend reading the reviews before buying.
…as Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire (too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead), he discovers rare powers in himself that few vampires have … and just in time, because the Vampire Council wants him destroyed as an inferior representative of their race.
Perfect for fans of Rick Gualtieri’s Tome of Bill series or Drew Hayes’ Fred the Vampire Accountant series, Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife’s lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

Doug Lee – Fat Vampire by Adam Rex
I haven’t read it so I can’t give an opinion. I recommend reading the reviews before buying.
From School Library Journal
Grade 10 Up Unlike most vampires who are drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, and irresistible, Doug is the exact opposite. Overweight, unpopular, and dorky, he seals his fate by being in the wrong place at the wrong time and as a result was attacked by a starving, newly made vampire. Now he must spend the rest of his immortal life as an unattractive 15-year-old, feeding off cows to satisfy his need for blood. With the support of some local vampire guardians and his friend Jay, the teen must now learn how to live life as a vampire. If events aren’t complicated enough, he falls for the new girl at school, and has the star of the TV show Vampire Hunters hot on his trail, trying to expose him to the world. Rex’s story falls flat. The back-and-forth narration between Doug and Sejal is confusing and slows down the plot. There are some promising moments, funny scenes, and intriguing themes that unfortunately just don’t pan out.
Donna Rosenblum, Floral Park Memorial High School, NY

Support Fat Vampire Creators

When I did a shout out on Twitter asking for fat vampire rep, I did get a few creators who haven’t published or released their vamp babies yet.

Casual Monsters by Ami Mercury

Ami Mercury @amimercury has an awesome comic in the works called Casual Monsters.
“My main character is Audrey. She’s a graphic designer who just broke up with her boyfriend and decided to take a weekend vacation in the mountains to collect her thoughts. Just outside of town her car breaks down, and she has no cell service. Luckily there’s an all-night garage just up ahead. This is where she meets the garage owner, Rob, our unlikely vampire character. He fixes her car and the two become friends. Through a series of plot points eventually she figures out that he’s a vampire. Now, for vampires in this setting, animal blood makes up the majority of their diet, but it’s encouraged that they get a human donor. A person who consents to letting their vampire friend drink their blood on occasion. Rob needs a donor, and Audrey needs a new place to live after breaking things off with her boyfriend. Rob offers her the spare apartment on his property in exchange for being his donor. From there romantic-comedy sitcom shenanigans ensue.
But basically in my story, I treat vampirism as more like a “condition.” Yeah they’re still immortal, and they’re still dead, or “undead” as it were; but the shape-shifting and mind control, etc is not inherent to being a vampire. They are sensitive to sunlight, but they won’t immediately burst into flames/dust. They’ll just get really bad sunburns. They do require blood to “live,” but that doesn’t mean they can’t eat other foods. I actually plan on having other creatures in this story, as well: werewolves, sasquatch, mummies, etc. Much like the vampires their existence is more like a condition than anything supernatural. Honestly they kind of live normal lives, otherwise, and mostly go completely unnoticed by humans.”
YALL! I’m really damn excited about this one – you bet your cute asses I’ll be reading this comic and reviewing with pleasure!

Bodie @geroakoya says he is working on some fat vamp erotica that he is now inspired to get back to:
“I started writing an erotic short story about a fat vampire once! I never did anything with it but every so often I get really excited about the possibility of picking it back up again.
The fat vampire’s name was Chauncy Lockhart, which is maybe my favorite name of any character I’ve ever written”

Ink York @inkayork author of soft supernatural being has some fat vampires about ready for our hot lil hands!
“I have a fat girl vampire MC in my novella, Lotus (with my editor rn) & a fat girl vampire MC in my WIP, No Good Comes.”

Call for Fat Vampires

As I said, this is certainly a niche that could use some more reps. I would love to see and read more fat vamp characters. Some other requests that I saw and definitely agree with:

  • Fat Polyamorous Vamps
  • Fat Vampires of Color
  • Fat LGBTQ+ Vampires especially NonBinary, Trans, etc.

Do You Have a Fat Vampire Character?

Comment below your character or your favorite that isn’t listed. Not only do I want to see them but I’ll list them on twitter with some shout outs so definitely share links.

Make Me a Superhero: Kinkly Top Sex Blog Voting

When I started SmutGeek in 2018, it was during Top Sex Blog voting season. Kinkly was in the process of announcing their Sex Blog Superheros – those top 100 popular blogs readers nominated and voted for with love. I read the list with heart eyes. Now is my chance to try for it. Please click here for the Top Sex Blog Voting opportunity.

Top Sex Blog Voting - kinkly sex blog super heroes call to vote please click to vote for me

What is a Top Sex Blogger List?

Its a listing of blogs that are sex positive nominated and voted on by fans. These blogs are then evaluated based on the Kinkly criteria of writing quality, frequency of posts, sex and body positivity, over all design, active social media, overall impression, and number of votes.
I need at least 5 votes to be considered. If each person that has seen my blog this month votes that would be well over 200 people rooting for me. If each person that follows me on Twitter votes, that would be over 1700 fans cheering me on!

What does it mean to make it on the top 100 list and when will they announce the winners?
“On November 4th, we’ll announce the Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019. We’ll also break out and crown a few winners in key categories – and hand out some prizes from the Kinkly Shop. We can’t wait!”

Kinkly explains how their bloggers are listed, and that they are going with an unranked list for fairness, which I think is cool.

Why Do These Top Sex Blog Lists Matter?

Remember that its not a perfect system. No matter the results of the final list, whether I make it in the top 100 or not, its not a direct representation of how good my site is.

Kayla Lords shared on Smutlancer “If you’re a sex blogger hoping to one day make at least enough money to pay your hosting fees, you should be asking – do these things matter?” She went on to explain:

Its validation of the hard work we writers do. Its a chance to feel supported in your hobby/biz choice and see enthusiasm for the work you do.

More views of my site equals more chances for the work I love doing. Bloggers on the list are more likely for companies to email them and say “We saw you made the list – congratulations! Would you like to work with us?” This is the dream, y’all.

Please Vote For Me

It only takes a second to click the link, tap the button, and, if you want emails on the results, type in your email address. Thank you!

Package Preparations

This is the beginning of the next installation of the Nerdy, Dirty, and Curvy series I’ve been working on. Originally published this glimpse during Smutathon. Despite the dubious ending here, the longer short story had definite happily ever after vibes.

Elodie opened her toy chest and looked over her options. If she was doing a video she would have chosen a newer, showier piece – a huge tentacle dildo or a lightsaber vibrator. But it was just her tonight and the point was to get off not show off. She pushed a few brightly colored items aside and reached for her favorite vibrator. It was one of the first she ever bought but still going strong – a pink, silicone tongue shape about the length of her hand.
Pulling off her shorts, she went to the dresser where she laid out the panties she needed to wear. They were simple white bikini cut with a tiny satin bow in the front. She’d bought them as part of a pack and took pictures for her site but that was the only time she’d worn them. A client was requesting them now, well used.
Taking off the rest of her clothes, she pulled the panties on and plopped onto her bed. It squeaked a little under her – the benefit or take away of having an old fashioned brass bed, depending on how you looked at it. Her cam clients loved the bed. It had a blend of nostalgia and added audio sensory to her porn. Each squeak let them know of her thrusts and movements.
Sprawling out comfortably, she pushed the single button on her vibrator twice to put it on the medium speed setting. Bringing it between her legs, she teased her pussy lips through the crotch of her white panties. It didn’t take long to tease her clit and labia into tingling attention.

Closing her eyes, Elodie brought up an old memory. It was from years ago, but the first time she fooled around with a girl was still a memory that got her off even now.
Circling, her clit with the vibe she let herself relax into it.

It was the year before she started college. Newly adults, she and her best friend were doing the things they enjoyed most – gaming, watching anime, and chilling out in Vanna’s basement. Vanna was butch, nerdy, and adorable in a way that sadly few people seemed to noticed. Few people other than Elodie, that is.
Vanna was playing a video game, a new one that she was eager to beat but years later Elodie would forget the name of. Elodie was sprawled on the old sofa, drinking Mountain Dew and watching her friend. Both were avoiding the conversation that was on their minds – soon they would be splitting up. Vanna was accepted into MIT and Elodie was going to Berkley. A nation between them after years of being practically inseparable.

Sliding off the couch, Elodie joined Vanna in the floor, sitting close enough their knees and elbows touched. “Anything you wanna do before you leave for school?”
Vanna pushed her glasses up and ran a hand through her chin-length hair that always looked like it needed brushed. “I dunno. Might hit Jay’s shop a last time and give him shit for not letting me see his Suspense Comics number 3 he claims he has but everyone knows he doesn’t.”
Biting her lip, Elodie leaned in so their shoulders touched.
“Why, what about you?” Vanna asked, glancing at her with a raised brow.

If it had gone down years later, when Elodie was more immersed in consent culture as a sex worker, she would have asked first. As it was, she was too scared to think twice when she kissed her best friend.
Vanna’s lips were chapped and she tasted like orange soda. These were the things Elodie remembered vividly as she stroked her vibrator against her dampening panties.
At first, Vanna sat their stunned. When Elodie pulled back, barely an inch, they stared at each other and Vanna’s glasses fogged slightly with their breath.
Before Elodie could apologize for her impulsiveness, Vanna leaned in and did the unthinkable – she kissed Elodie back.

The first kisses were hesitant and exploratory. It wasn’t Elodie’s first kiss. That had been Tommy Kemp behind the bleachers in junior high. Tommy’s kiss was open mouth and slobbery. Vanna’s was softer than that.
When Elodie opened her mouth, Vanna responded with nipping her bottom lip. She pulled back and looked Elodie’s face over as to make sure the tiny bite was ok before leaning in to kiss her again. Slowly, Vanna reached up to cradle Elodie’s face in her hand, rubbing her jaw with the pad of her thumb.
Taking a silent queue, Elodie raised her hands to Vanna’s shoulders and neck. She could feel her friend’s pulse in her neck, thrumming harder and faster than the video game sound effects in the background.
Out of breath, Elodie pulled back and smiled.

“How long?” Vanna asked, her voice raspy as she pushed her glasses up from where they’d slid down her nose.
Shrugging, Elodie couldn’t recall a specific time that she knew she wanted her best friend. “Always maybe? Definitely at my sixteenth birthday party.”
Vanna blushed and looked down at her lap.
No one else had showed up to Elodie’s sweet sixteen because that bitch Brittany Marsh told the class Elodie was a slut. Vanna came though. She insisted Elodie have the best night and said they could do whatever she wanted. They ended up sneaking out of Elodie’s house and went skinny dipping in the neighbor’s pool. Vanna had been too shy to take off her underwear but Elodie remembered well how her friend had looked in the dim light from the nearby street lamps.

Package Preparations - Masturbation Monday - underwater pool image of a femme body in a bikini
Masturbation Monday week 265 image by Haiku

“You?” Elodie asked, feeling her nervousness return.
Vanna had shrugged and laughed hoarsely. “Always. Since we were kids.” She had looked so small and vulnerable then. She opened her mouth a few times as if to tell Elodie something else but ended up only shaking her head.
Unwilling to let this go, Elodie leaned in and kissed Vanna’s lips softly. She feathered kisses along Vanna’s jaw to her earlobe. Teasing Vanna’s ear with her teeth, she moved her mouth down along her friend’s neck, making Vanna shiver.
“Elodie,” Vanna had whispered and the memory of her name said so softly with need made Elodie buck her hips towards her vibrator and moan.
Vanna’s hands came up and Elodie half expected her friend to push her away. Instead, they ran over her back, up to her shoulders and down along her collar bone.

“I…can I touch you?”
Sitting up, Elodie had been surprised by the request but definitely not opposed. She smiled and, as she nodded her consent, she grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it quickly up over her head. Shaking out her dark curls, she looked at Vanna questioningly.
Vanna only stared at her a moment. Her eyes went down to Elodie’s breasts cupped in her plain white bra. It would be another year before Elodie discovered the fun of lingerie and cute underwear but Vanna didn’t seem to mind the plainness when she raised her fingers up to the edge of the cup.
Raising her hand, Elodie caressed her tits as she recalled how Vanna had touched her – first through the barely padded bra then pulled it down to cup her fully and run her thumbs over her nipples.

“Do you wanna see more?” Elodie asked when she decided to discard her bra.
Wide eyed, Vanna nodded. Elodie stood up and pulled off her jeans and socks then her panties. She remembered already being wet, wetter than she was now, teasing her pussy on her bed. She didn’t shave or wax then but, again, Vanna didn’t seem to mind.
Sitting back down, Elodie leaned in and kissed Vanna again. Their kisses were harder this time, needy. Vanna played with her breasts and, tentatively, Elodie took one hand and brought it down to her inner thigh. Taking the lead from there, Vanna reached between her legs and stroked Elodie’s wet pussy. Like their first kisses, the touch was a gentle exploration of labia and clit. Slowly, she slipped two fingers into Elodie and made her gasp.
“Did I hurt you?” Vanna asked, pulling her fingers out.
Shaking her head, Elodie pushed Vanna’s hand back. “No. It feels good.” It had felt so much better than when Elodie masturbated. She hadn’t expected that.
Vanna’s hands weren’t skilled like Elodie’s later lovers. She didn’t know how to find Elodie’s g-spot or stroke her until she came. But those tentative touches were enough to make Elodie soak her panties with an orgasm years later.
Shaking and arching against her vibrator, Elodie moaned her former friend’s name. The crotch of her panties soaked with cum, making the tip of her vibrator wet as well.

As she came down from her orgasm, Elodie pushed the vibe’s button until it switched off. It was then, in the shaky aftermath, that the rest of the memory came to her.
“Can I?” Elodie had asked, wanting to do the same to Vanna. She pulled at Vanna’s t-shirt, wanting to see her naked too.
Vanna pulled her hands back and looked away as if ashamed. She hesitated and shook her head finally. “I don’t think I can get naked in front of you.”
Elodie hadn’t understood. Suddenly aware and embarrassed of her nakedness, she crossed her arms and covered herself. It made no sense to her. Vanna was skinnier and cute as hell even with the tomboy clothes, bad haircut, and thick glasses.
Before Vanna could find a way to speak up, Elodie pulled her clothes on. She made some excuse, something about needing to meet up with her mom.

Package Preparations - a mailbox with side of a house lawn and driveway in backgroun

Thinking back, she wished she’d tried to make Vanna explain. Why had they kissed? Why had Vanna touched her if she didn’t want her? It was one of only a handful of regrets Elodie had. Like student loans, however, there was nothing she could do about it now.
Sliding her sticky panties off, Elodie slid her fingers over her bare, wet cunt with a sigh. It was just a memory.
Tossing the panties into a pink gift bag, she added a business card with her site info, some logo stickers, and a handwritten note thanking her client for buying and wishing him wet daydreams. This she put into a plain brown box with the discreet return address: ELLO.
Pulling in her ragged shorts and an of t-shirt, she put the small package in her mailbox, lifted the flag and smiled at her morning’s work completed.

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