Mr. Faust and I went to our very first play party in Alaska this past Saturday! Woo hoo!
The event was hosted by the members of WhatWhereWhoAK on FetLife and they did a fantastic job not only in providing dungeon equipment and event space but also food and drinks and just plain being so damn nice!
Dungeon equipment spanned from leather padded kneeling stool and horse to a suspension rack and medical and massage tables and a St. Andrew’s Cross. All kinds of toys were available for use from floggers to paddles to violet wands and wax. Mr. Faust and I stuck with our own toys for the most part but enjoyed trying out the suspension rack on stage, the St. Andrews Cross (which was sadly too big for me to stand against properly), and the horse.
Not only were we having fun on the toys but a lot of other people were too. We got to perv out watching a full suspension, some fisting, wax play, caning, and CUPPING! – which was my favorite to watch and can’t wait to give it a shot myself. Met a bunch of people with like interests not only in rope work and shibari but also other age players and lots of other kitties like me ^_^
We had so much fun and I even had some rope marks after ^_^ I’m still giddy over how nice everyone was and how many people we met…and how many of them I can’t remember their names for the life of me.
Hey readers. I had a discussion a little while ago with a Dominant on the use and misuse of High Protocol in the scene (both online and off) and wanted to share my thoughts on the subject.
First, there are a few definitions of High Protocol I want to address before I explain my stance. High protocol is a formalized way of doing things in a D/s or M/s relationship that can dictate everything from how a submissive sits,stands or walks to what he/she says to whom and how they act in public or private. Some view High Protocol as a very strict standard of BDSM relationships (not to say that this is a bad thing at all). There are other,probably better, definitions available on the fabulous interwebs and I encourage you to look into them for more detail. Within Reality gives a great example of protocol in her article here and of High Protocol, she says,
“In high, using the bath example, I would present my Master a towel by kneeling before him, head bowed,eyes lowered and demurely offer to dry him off. This level is serious and formal. My Master has taken the words/thoughts from the Estate – ‘Complete obedience, without delay, or hesitation is required. All nonessential movement,speech, and thought are unacceptable. There has to be the awareness that every move, answer and behavior is being carefully examined and judged.’Some other examples of the different levels of protocol are I am allowed to sit on furniture during low. In medium I have to ask permission. In high I am not allowed on furniture. In low – I must say yes Sir or even my Master’s given name in some cases. It is yes Master always – unless with people who are not aware of our lifestyle, in medium. And in high protocol it is ALWAYS yes Master.”
My High Protocol Experiences
I do have some experience with High Protocol with a past,online Dominant. This has colored my judgment on it a little but I feel I’m now better able to look at other High Protocol relationships more clearly now that time has passed.
With my Past Dom, who I will call TEM for now, practiced a formalized standard of BDSM offline with other submissives and slaves and saw no issue with training and treating me in the same manner online and over the phone. This might not have been a problem if we’d had a deeper relationship beforehand, as another Dominant recently pointed out, but, because we did not,I developed some issues in the relationship in being able to adhere to his standards. TEM did teach me a lot of things however, such as basic definitions and structures of BDSM, he began my training in orgasm control, and taught me that no one wanted a door mat for a submissive and that being a strong woman was very important in general. That all being said…
The Use and Misuse of High Protocol
I wanted to address an issue that a lot of people I’vespoken to have had with High Protocol – Dominants who insist on being addressedas Sir/Ma’am or Master/Mistress either by other Dominants or by subs/slavesthat are not their own. This is a MISUSE of High Protocol. Just like anything elsein the scene, even Titles must be at the consent of those giving the Title to aDominant. I personally have an issue giving the title Sir/Ma’am to anyone whohas not yet earned my respect as a Dominant. At first I thought it was just theSwitch in me but then I realized, no, it’s a respect issue. Just because someone says they’re a Dominant of the highest caliber doesn’t mean they are and I might just want a little proof of that statement.
Also, calling another Dominant Master or Mistress is an outright No. I only have one Master, and that is Mr. Faust, and I have one Mistress and that is Mistress Fenreya. Period. No one else has earned my trust to earn these titles and, besides, Daddy would be awfully pissed off is he ever heard me refer to another Dom as Master.
In the same way, I get a little miffed when someone, not Mr. Faust’s sub, calls him Master. They haven’t earned the right to call him that just as he hasn’t earned their trust to call him that either. It’s like a little calling every male they see in the scene Daddy or crawling in their lap(I’ve had issues with this before and it wasn’t pretty). Oh, if you do see me refer to someone who is not my Master or Mistress as Master so-and-so or Mistress whatever, it is usually due to the fact that it’s a screen name online. Sorry if that’s confusing.
-climbs off my soapbox for a minute- One of the great things about the proper use of High Protocol is the lifestyle it creates for the participating D/s couple. I was told of a couple that the Master literally has a manual for every task he demands of his slave from how to lay out his clothes in the morning to proper coffee service. Being able to perform these tasks in a way laid out by my Dom would be very enriching and even empowering. It not only lets the sub please their Dom but also allows them to stay within their boundaries that are clearly laid out – no guess work involved.
Another form of High Protocol is ritualizing some tasks. Tea service can be quite beautiful and some Masters like for their slaves to learnformal tea service as a way to improve themselves not only in knowledge butmanners and grace. One could even say a collaring ceremony is a ritual of HighProtocol in that it can be formalized and the Master can hold a high standardfor the slave in actions, vows and contract.
Ahem –back on soapbox- Another misuse of High Protocol is when Dominants or evenother submissives expect slaves/subs to automatically know how to act in a HighProtocol situation. I’ve yet to see this in life but I see it online a lot.Going into a room that demonstrates High Protocol actions and expecting a newperson just entering to know these things is a little immature. I’ve beenchewed out and seen others reprimanded harshly for simply being ignorant of therules of conduct in that room towards other Dominants or even other subs.
An issue that isn’t necessarily High Protocol but just an issue I see a lot in the scene is Dominants who feel they are King/Queen of the hill and that all subs are lowly and should automatically show respect. This also falls into consent. I’ve been overlooked, told that my opinion doesn’t matter,even booted form chatroom or ignored in real play parties because I have a collar or identified as a submissive at the time. I’ve spoken about this before…and probably will again because it’s a big issue with me. Just because we are subs doesn’t mean we are nothing. I don’t give anyone permission, not even my own Dom, to treat me like I am worthless because I identify as someone who is submissive to 1 or 2 people. I’m still a person and so is every other submissive on the planet and as a person I still require at least a small form of respect. Just as not all Dominants are wonderful, Kingly, majestic, always right, and perfect. Sometimes they too are in the wrong and both the Dominant and the Submissive should be heard in any issue in the community.
-sits on my soapbox thinking-I’m sure there are other issues to address here but I can’t think of any right now.
I do want to direct you, my dear reader, to read a greatarticle about Gor lifestyle. I used to be prejudice against Goreans because of the few I’d met online were a little…well…mean. I really enjoyed and learned alot from this article though and am more than willing to give Gor a second chance. You should too if you’ve had the same prejudices or experiences as I have had.
While visiting with Mistress Fenreya over the weekend, I was thrilled to try out wax play for the first time. Not only did I get to have a new experience, I also learned how to do it on the cheap – Budget Wax Play.
The Cheap Way to do Wax Play
For this you will need:
small crockpot (you can get them cheap at Walmart or dollar stores
Gulf parafin wax
some oil for your body (we use coconut oil)
dollar store shower curtain (to protect your floors)
Mistress Fenreya had me undress completely (including collar) and lay on the floor (she was nice enough to use a space heater on the floor to keep me from freezing to death). She sat beside me and oiled me down (mmmm yummy massage) then the wax play fun began. Along with her hands, Mistress Fen used a little purple wandy-thing (technical term for a toy she didn’t have a name for) that had lots of plastic strands to apply some of the wax and do some like impact play.
Sadly the Gulf wax wasn’t melting properly that night (we think there might be something going on with the crock pot) so she tried 2 tallow candles. O.o those things can burn sort of hot and I did use my slow=down safe word – Yellow – when some tallow wax got on my butt…ouch.
Then she used the cold knife to remove the hardening warm wax, which was intense. Mistress Fen said sometimes she uses a wax dipped in ice water and a knife warmed in hot water to play with the sensations. At one point she was using her knife to remove wax from my butt and it tickled so bad I squirmed. She said “you better school yourself little girl, you have a knife on your ass” and I stopped moving completely. “Good girl.” She also used mini ice packs and had them set on my butt to hold them while she dripped more wax – why, Yes, Mistress Fenreya does have a sense of humor.
Mr Faust has been doing some Rope Practice. He has plans to put me in a rope corset for my birthday later this month. While this sounds like fun, it mostly means a lot of standing around while he plays with ropes and knots.
Not shown in the photos is a long rope tail or leash. Mr. Faust wanted to bring it down between my legs like a hip harness but I explained the inevitable trips to the bathroom since we would be drinking and that idea was vetoed. The corset is very exciting all the same and I have a whole outfit picked out that is focused on and inspired by its design. My favorite part is the back that looks like a sort of external spine.
Discovered Sassy Kassy through FetLife Blogger Group and saw her 14 Day Sex Challenge. Fun! Maybe you call can learn something about me with this.
The following post is after participating in this challenge. The blog posts were often short and stilted so making them into one long post not only allowed for me to keep the blog cleaner but let you, reader, enjoy them without searching around for 13 other posts.
The first day of the challenge is “My Relationship with my current sex partner…”
My Hubby Dom Best Friend Life Mate Partner in Crime…yea…Him ^_^ Otherwise known as Mr. Faust. We’ve been married a lil over a year (Sept 21st is our anni) and together for 4 years (Nov 30th) We have sex often and when we don’t get to…we get a lil cranky and pouty and clingy…
The story of my first time
I was 19 years old and I lost my virginity to Mr. Faust on January 17th, 2009.
I was nervous as fuck as I made sure I was clean, shaved, and wearing the prettiest underwear I owned (not much then because I had yet learned the art of lingerie shopping). He was so gentle and took things slowly. It hurt and I panicked when he entered me so he held me then until I was ready and whispered how much he loved me and how wonderful I was and so on in my ear.
I wont say it was amazing…or that the second time was. The third time was AWESOME and has been since ^_^
My Biggest Turn Ons Oh what a list…this is in no specific order
Patchouli on Mr. Faust
Corsets (also a fan of stockings, petticoats, and bloomers)
eyeliner and nail polish on boys
Mr. Faust licking icing off my fingers when I’m baking
certain horror movies
hickies from shy girls
That look Mr. Faust gets sometimes that is both true love and deep, burning desire
My biggest turn Offs
being called a puppy or a slutpuppy
watersports and scat and Roman showers
people who don’t follow protocol or honor boundaries
Sexual experiences with members of the same sex
My old college roommate and Mr Faust so it was my first threesome. It happened suddenly without much discussion and lead into a very bad and somewhat emotionally abusive relationship. We, too, are no longer friends. The sex was great tho. I’ve roleplayed online with other girls but my sexual experience with them IRL is limited.
My Favorite Position Currently reverse cow girl and what is called a Leg-glider. The latter because it give Mr. Faust ample access to my clit and ass while also applying pressure to my gspot.
Things I’d Never Do In Bed…
Pretty much anything on my turn offs list on day 4
Thats pretty much it thanks to mattress protectors
Things I’m Dying to do in bed
sex in Japanese Lolita clothing
sex with Mr. Faust in a fur suit (he’s not up for this sadly)
implementing fantasy toys on my wish list
Favorite place to have sex On the recliner…I know not very imaginative but the recliner allows for Mr Faust to relax and for me to climb on and hit all the right spots in either cow girl or reverse cow girl position.
Best Sex Memory
Ok, I don’t want to write this like I condone recreational drug use but this story…memory involves the use of a certain pain killer and this pill has an effect on Mr. Faust that enables him to last for a long time without ejaculation. We were watching the movie Strangeland, which is a movie that turns both of us on (specifically the use of bondage equipment not the non consentual body modification and implied rape). So, Mr Faust played the movie and lit a few candles and we had sex. We ended up trying a new position called the Leg Glider. I have mentioned this position before as a favorite. It allows Mr. Faust to hit all my spots either with his cock or with his fingers while he’s penetrating me. This position doesn’t really allow for me to curl up and hide holes or curves or anything and I like that I can’t do that (and I do sometimes if I feel shy or whatever). It was great and lasted for hours until I literally passed out. (Mr. Faust is a fan of forced orgasm play.)
Worst Sex Memory – having experienced abuse and rape I am skipping this day.
How Do you View Sex? I’m not really sure how to answer this one. I think its fun and a great way for consenting adults to bond.
Favorite way to masturbate Right now its watching a cute girl I’m chatting with masturbate and using my purple floppy dildo.
What is my current fantasy?
My most recent fantasy involves me and my DaddyDom and lil sissy Honey. I fantasize about certain and I in frilly dresses in the bedroom. Sliding each other’s panties off. Slowly start exploring each other and eventually one of us begins to kiss and lick the other’s wet pussies. Mr. Faust walks in on us and punishes us with sever spankings for being dirty then slowly starts loving on both of us until we fall into a wonderful threesome that centers on this delicious girl riding me 69, my mouth on her pussy, her mouth on my clit, while Mr. Faust watches and fucks me. Not the most imaginative but there it is.
While neither of us are new to shibari or rope play, it has been a long time since either Mr. Faust or I have had a chance to play with rope. So, naturally, when he was at the hardware store he was inspired.
While rope play has many, many benefits to kink some of my favorite things are purely aesthetic. I love how it looks on, I love the look of concentration on Mr. Faust’s face when he’s tying and untying, I love the marks left behind…sexy aesthetics at their best. It is the reason why shibari books are so damn gorgeous. That being said, my favorite photo I took is the first one here – blurry action photo of Mr. Faust being rough as he unties me. There’s just something about this action photo with his yumminess just in view and those fists on that rope…mmm